August 27th - You're not gone yet but I NEED TO SHARE THE LOVE

Dear Mel,

So, you're still here for a few hours, a few hours before you go and you know I'm really happy you're going away for a while because you're definitely doing that for all the right reasons and I believe it's gonna do you good. But I would lie if I said I wasn't gonna miss you.

I don't even know how come we started talking but in the span of ten minutes we had already said SO MUCH about each other and I just knew from that point that we were definitely gonna have something special. I have trust issues, always have, always will, but I knew from the start that you were someone I could trust with the darkest things about me because you're just awesome like that and most importantly because the trust was mutual.

I care about you so much, and I don't think you even truly realise and it breaks my heart to see that you are going through rough moments and having hard times and think you're bothering me if you talk about it. I want you to know I will always be here and those aren't just words, I'm here ALWAYS and you basically never bother me. You don't realise how great it is to talk to you. You don't realise how amazing you are, and no matter how much I repeat this won't sink in because you just don't see it, but you're an incredible human being and I'm not gonna stop telling you because I KNOW that some day you'll finally be ready to believe me.

You brought so many great things in my life, and I'm so glad I found someone like you. You're one of the few people I met online that I actually consider my friend, and I just realise I was right to trust you a little more everytime we talk. You know, I remember telling you that story about that princess who didn't like her name. And I still think that's real. You're that princess and you're gonna do great. You will get the help you need and come back being BETTER. There are a few people I believe in and you're one of them and like I don't believe in you in the "i believe in you hello pressure" way, I'm just confident that you will find your way.

You're a brilliant young lady. You'll be an OUTSTANDING therapist someday if that's still what you want to do with your life, because you just get people, and you can actually help them because everything you are is amazing, every bit of you is special, and everything you are is literally GREAT and AWESOME.

Mel you are going to get better, it's going to be better, I promise you. Please don't be sorry for having to go away. It's hard for the (many) people who love you but you can't let that get to you, you MUST NOT let that get to you. We're staying here and we'll wait until you come back, and we'll be alright while you're away fixing the things you need to fix. You don't have to apologise for doing what's right for yourself, you're doing the right thing, the bravest things you could have done and honestly yeah I'm a little sad that we'll get to interact less with you but I'm so proud of you that it just hides everything else and i'll support you from afar and you'll be in my thoughts and not just in mine. Every single person you ever talked to in this fandom loves you and all they want is for you to be happy. There is no miracle, we both know that, but you're on your way sweetie, and you'll get there I'm absolutely positive.

Some day we'll meet and we'll laugh thinking about those days we were fangirling over a girlsband. Some day, we'll meet and drink that well deserved tea together. Some day we'll meet and we'll go shopping and have fun all day long. Some day we'll meet and I promise you I'll hug you for at least 10 hours straight because holy shit you don't even know how much I wish I could hug you right now. It's hard to let you go but I can only imagine how HARDER it is for you so PLEASE don't worry about me, don't worry about us, we're going to be fine! Just worry about YOURSELF for a while, for as long as you need actually, because you deserve that so much. You're not in charge of anyone but yourself, you're the one who taught me that, so I think it's time to remind you of that. There are things, circumstances, that you cant change, that you have to live with, but you ARE changng the rest for the better Mel, you are doing that because you're an amazingly incredible person and you're just so amazing I'm running out of words?????

There's only so long one person can take without facing their own problems and focusing on themselves, you need to do it and you deserve the right to do it. I'm so incredibly proud of you, I don't think you know how much, and it's good because you'd think I'm a total psycho. But seriously, you did this amazing step, and this is the best and bravest thing you could have done for yourself.

I love you Mel. So fucking much. And I can't wait until you come back, but I will be patient and keep encouraging you from afar. If you ever feel like giving up, just remember that I'm hugging you VERY VERY tight from across the ocean. Remember that I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Remember how we cry together over those 6 freaking white girls. Remember the great things and just look forward to living them FULLY when you're back.

This message is probably the messiest thing I've ever written in my life with no structure whatsoever but yeah I hope you understand how much I love you, how proud of you I am and that I'm not going anywhere, I'll be there when you come back, no matter how long it takes. I'll be here to ask yo a fuckton of questions, I'll be here to witness how much better you're going to get. I'll be here whatever happens, I promise.

I love you to pieces.